Interesting Article

SUNDAY, OCT 30, 2011 10:00 AM MOUNTAIN DAYLIGHT TIME

Solving America’s teen sex problem 

(click on title and it takes you to the original article) I abbreviated it.

The Dutch have dramatically reduced adolescent pregnancies, abortions and STDs. What do they know that we don't?

"When 16-year-old Natalie first started dating her boyfriend, her mother did something that would mortify most American parents: She took her to the doctor’s office to get her contraceptives. Her mother wasn’t weirded out by the fact that her teen daughter was about to have sex — in fact, she fully supported it. She merely wanted to make sure that she was doing it safely, and responsibly. A couple of months later, when it finally happened, her parents were totally accepting. As her father put it, “sixteen is a beautiful age” to lose your virginity."

"Whereas most American parents panic about the idea of allowing their kids to have sex with other kids under their roof, for many Dutch parents, it’s not only fine — it’s responsible parenting."

"The pregnancy rate is about four times higher in the U.S. than in the Netherlands and abortion rates are about twice as high. HIV rates are about three times higher. Growing up in the Netherlands, I didn’t actually know of any teenagers who became pregnant as teens. Whenever I say that to Americans they’re always very surprised."

" In the Netherlands, there’s the belief that young people are capable of recognizing when they’re ready and self-regulating as opposed to the notion that they have raging hormones that are out of control. There’s the belief that young people can fall in love and that their sexuality is anchored in relationships so it becomes easier to accept and normalize relationships from about 16 to 17 onwards. And finally there’s been an attempt on the part of Dutch parents and the authorities to say, “This is happening, and we need to keep it from being secretive. We need to be able to keep control and be able to recommend that young people use contraception and see who they’re becoming involved with.”"

". . .   you have to first separate from your family and become completely self-reliant before you’ve earned the right to engage in sex. That makes it harder for parents to then integrate it into the family in the way Dutch parents have."

"In the chapter about the Dutch parents, a father tells his daughter that she should never do it unless she has the desire for it. He acknowledges that his daughter might actually want it, and that is a very difficult thing in the U.S. context for a lot of parents to do, especially for girls."

"Only half of  American girls have had a conversation about contraception with their parents. In the Dutch case, one of the girls learns about the pill at school during what is called “relationship lessons” — yes, that’s really what it’s called — and she comes home and her mother explains that she also uses the pill."

" I think some of the American models of being able to deal with cultural difference within a society are a  good thing, and I like to think that cultures can learn from each other."

"There’s a real interest among young parents in handling sexuality better than it was in their family. We need to figure out how to stop falling back on the marriage-only model and we need a model for a good relationship that isn’t necessarily for life but that still involves mutual respect, and honesty, and mutual obligation as well as enjoyment and pleasure."

If you know me, then you know that I was a teen parent. I was 15 when I got pregnant, 16 when my son was born. Many reasons why I started this blog separate from my family blog where I post fun things about our family 

I started this blog to post on subjects that I am passionate about, and to talk candidly about subjects that may be hard to talk about. I have a teenage boy already, and my daughter is not far behind. My husband and I decided to be very open with our children about sex. Very different from what we got as teens. Not blaming our parents, they did what they thought was best. Our religion also played a part in what they chose to tell us and what not to tell us. I was very naive, I had the "it won't happen to me" attitude. I also had the pressure of a boyfriend that would tell me that he didn't want to use a condom because he "loved me too much to use a condom" 

We live in a state where the only sex education that is offered is Abstinence Only. I called our School district a while back, for an assignment that I had to do for school, the instructors CANNOT even mention birth control. They do teach about STDs but most of the time teens don't even know what they are abstaining from! It does not help to be naive parents and think "well my kids don't know anything about that" Let me tell you, kids at school will tell your kids things about sex, and 90% of the time it is not correct information.

So in reading this article I was wondering....

What do you think? What if anything do you feel you need to let your teens know? What is our responsibility as parents? 

I also need to say, I don't believe in just getting your girls on birth control or handing out condoms to your boys, or saying "losing your virginity is beautiful" (far from that when you are a teen)

I do believe that teens need to be informed, and know what to do if they do get themselves in that situation, and hopefully avoid teen, unwanted pregnancies.